i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
