guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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