I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
