the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
