dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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