His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize