Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
