People in love make me want to vomit
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
