Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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