if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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