Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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