we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
