you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize