Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
