Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
