im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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