a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
