I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize