it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
