I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
