I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
whose parrot is this?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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