can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He felt like a one man threesome
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
false alarm, still single
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