I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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