since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
