I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
