That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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