If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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