Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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