My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize