Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
