I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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