I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
