3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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