3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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