Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
