mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
