just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize