someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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