I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
