He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
