So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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