I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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