I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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