Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
