Kiss
Puke
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
