I'm passing your future prison.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
