yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
