They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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