I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
