Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
God I need to hump something, right now.
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