I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
