i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize