I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
