Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
