at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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