I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
