8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's get the cat blown out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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