Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do vagina's smell?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
