can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
