I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
