At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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