accomplished twins. life is a go
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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