nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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