lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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