I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
