I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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