Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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