So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
