maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
