My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize