While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
