Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
