So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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