Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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