Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were trust falling into bushes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
