...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
