look no pants
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
