Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
