We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
