Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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