He is an equal opportunity slut.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize