ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
