It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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