Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
