Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
