the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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