I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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