I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
