I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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