I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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