Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
