I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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