Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
