dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
