No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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