is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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