I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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