She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
