I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
