currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
