just tell him i said nine months
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
