At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
