there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
