dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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