apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
