His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
